TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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