I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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