I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
