I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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