Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
