I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
