god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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