ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
