ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
