I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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