I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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