You can't special order awesome
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
