It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
