I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I see more hoeing in ur future
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