When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
