What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
