this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
