Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
