Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
