so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
