I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I use my feet as sexual weapons
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize