Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
