Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize