You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
