Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize