call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
