I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
