I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
