I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
