I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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