R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
