i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
