also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
