I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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