i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
