I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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