tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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