I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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