playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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