just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
