I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
