I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
