he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
