i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
