Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
