Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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