One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
