It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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