Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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