Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You've changed since you got that strap on
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
