Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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