yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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