I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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