woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
