i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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