So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
