I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
