I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
