Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
