Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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