At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
