The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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