Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
my liver is dry heaving
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
