they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize