Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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