break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
