he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
