garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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