good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
