I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
