Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
