i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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